I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
two words: eviction party
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
