You're my little dorito
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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