i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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