ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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