if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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