just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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