tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
