i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
