If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
