I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's always time for handjobs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
