You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
