so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
