I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
