I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
