I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
