worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
