I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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