Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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