I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
