just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
