He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your penis caused this!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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