I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
