I will die if light touches me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
