i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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