At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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