just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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