Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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