In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
