I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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