so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
