also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
