In the future we'll all be gay
Nicole vs. Life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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