This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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