If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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