He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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