I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize