Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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