My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
