Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
