Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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