forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
