Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i love accidental penises.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
