There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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