The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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