the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
