I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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