i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
