i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
