Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
