Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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