he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
