k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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