I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
