Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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