so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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