remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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