Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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