i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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