How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
