official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this will be a night to untag.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
