Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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