Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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