Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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