i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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