i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize