Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
