Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
