he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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