Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
