CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
