my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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