I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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