He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
